All this talk of jobs and lifestyle has had happiness on my mind lately. What is it that makes one person happy as opposed to another and why? Is there any universality in this?

I think about this often in relation to my “job.” (I use scare-quotes to denote that my job is probably only loosely a job; because it’s through Americorps, it is bureaucratically “service,” and I get paid a “stipend,” not a salary by the government’s definition. Also I don’t like thinking of it as a job because I don’t like it). I am perpetually unhappy at my job. I feel like it is taking away from my real life goals–-not only taking away, but detracting in fact, not building towards anything at all. I would be okay with a job that took up all my time if it allowed me to save money, because that would equate to eventual freedom from work. I would be okay with a job I didn’t like if I worked part-time and had more freedom with my time. I would be okay with a job I liked. This job fulfills none of those requirements.

Anyway, I wonder at how unhappy I am because so many of my co-workers seem pretty contented. I’m kind of the anomaly. Even though we’re working for a nonprofit, I don’t find the bureaucratic busywork in the least bit stimulating. But most people here seem pretty happy, pretty fulfilled. I’ve kept very secret my own feelings towards the state of pure work into which my life’s been funneled.

Admittedly I feel frustrated that others are happy when I am not. Why is this? Why can’t I be happy in something that so many others seem to not only find contenting but downright enjoyable?

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What a horrible day at work. I feel like I’m kept alive by the last remaining thread of hope I have, which is this scheme to go homeless. The mangling of my daily free time at this job is the most disheartening feeling I have ever had. I struggle to find ways to maintain my cool at work, but my dispassion is starting to seep out. I have been fortunate to have been able to use the facets of social engineering to get away with avoiding a lot more discomfort than I would otherwise.

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If there are other people out there reading this and considering their own transition to the home-free life–whether for personal, political, environmental or economic reasons–they might be inclined to ask, “what’s the hardest part?”

Well, I’ll be honest about what the hardest part for me is, mentally.

The hardest part is imagining sleeping without the usual degree of safety.

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Home-Free Living:

A Manifesto in Favor of Homelessness as a Lifestyle Choice for the Privileged Class
by Kristen Cheep

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